I wrote this on May 20, 2016, 17 days after Darren died. It is the first "journal" entry I made, so it is a hard and raw one. I'm glad I was able to write down how I was then and what I was faced with, so I can see how far God has brought me in the last 5 months. This was also the first night that Kaitlyn and I stayed in our home after Darren died. I pray that it can encourage you with whatever you may be facing today. God is ALWAYS with you and He will never leave you or forsake you. God Bless!
Love, Amy May 20, 2016 Seventeen days ago my life changed and tilted in a way I could not have ever imagined, even in my worst nightmares. I still feel like I'm living in a TERRIBLE nightmare every second of every day, that I need to wake from. It seems surreal that at 36 years old, when you dream you have the rest of you life left with someone, instead you will not see them on this side of eternity. That evening of May 3rd, will forever be etched, in my mind. Watching the man I spent my life with suddenly fall so sick and without warning pass from this life to eternity. This is not something that I would wish on my worst enemy. The pain is immeasurable. The heartbreak is unbearable and the desire to have him back for even just one moment, never leaves me. To not only experience this pain, personally, but also to watch my only child deal with the loss of her Father, makes my heart split into a million pieces. The one hope I hold onto and believe in, is that I will be reunited with Darren in eternity. It keeps me fighting, give me hope and strengthens me. I'm so grateful to a God that loves me, just the way I am. In all my anger, sadness, jealousy, doubt, fear, worries and grief, He still loves me and cares about me. He gives me strength for each day. He holds me when I fall down. He never gives up on me. Thank you, Jesus. My prayer: Jesus, give me the strength to sleep, in our home, for the first time since Darren's death and not be afraid. To Darren: Thank you for loving me and giving me 17 years of your amazing life. I miss you so much, babe. Enjoy heaven until I get to meet you there. Enjoy Nanny's cooking. I love you and please remind God to comfort Kaitlyn and I in our weakness and sadness. You are missed!!!
3 Comments
Pat Ryan
10/9/2016 07:33:34 pm
So very proud of you and your faith journey. I see you as a great worker in women's Christian ministry someday. God bless!
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Denise Schroder
10/9/2016 07:54:06 pm
Your willingness to be transparent and vulnerable is refreshing. May it bless, encourage and promote healing in others walking in pain like this. I love you. You are so steadfast in your faith. You are truly an inspiration to others.
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K
10/10/2016 03:18:34 pm
God is amazing and so are you!! He has been faithful through all the suffering and pain. I pray everyday for your comfort and bringing joy to you and Kaitlyns's heart. Love you
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