Darren & Kaitlyn before the Daddy-Daughter dance last year. After almost 18 years of being with a self-proclaimed sci-fi geek, I saw my fair share of movies and shows in this genre. In many of them, there are stories about alternate universes or realities. They all have a twist on a similar idea. You either wake up or somehow tear through the space/time continuum to end up in a different universe. It looks very much like the world that you lived in with a few, marked differences. They may drive fancier cars, it may be brighter, drearier, more violent or dirtier, but you still recognize the streets and many of the people in this other reality. On the night that Darren died, I remember telling my mom to wake me up from this terrible nightmare over and over again. The next day, May 4th, it felt like I woke-up living in an alternate universe. Everything looked very similar to the world I woke up in on May 3rd, but somehow on May 4th everything was off. Everyone looked a little different, a little drearier, a little sadder and it definitely did not feel right. This reality was now my new reality and I was definitely not prepared for how it looked, felt or all that it meant to me and Kaitlyn. The morning Darren died, we had normal conversations. Kaitlyn and I were running behind, as usual. We went to tell Darren goodbye, as usual. I texted Darren during my day to let him know some news about school, as usual. He called me after work to tell me how his day had been, as usual. He called me to tell me he was running late, as usual. We ate a quick dinner and headed off to the gym. All of these things seemed so “normal” and definitely not part of an altered reality or universe. However, that night everything changed, shattered and will never go back to that “normal” reality. It’s amazing how one loss, event or tragedy and everything changes. It changes how the world looks. It changes the way you look at people. It changes how you look at the sunrise and sunset. It changed my marital status from married to widowed. It changed my child from having a dad to living in a solo-parent family. It changed how people viewed me, sometimes with pity (which I hate). It changed all of my future plans to grow old with Darren. It changed Kaitlyn’s future from the daddy-daughter dance, at her wedding, that she would never have, to her future school plans and all she would become. It changed my in-laws, it changed our extended family, it changed our friends, it changed our faith and it altered our reality. I have made a choice to wake-up in this new alternative universe each day and not give-up or give in to my fears, doubts and anxiety. I’ve also chosen to allow this altered reality to change my perspective, in a good way and not allow myself to become bitter. I’m choosing to not live in fear. I’m choosing to love more, hurt less, be a better mom, daughter, aunt, friend, and sharing God’s love without fear. I can never go back to the morning of May 3rd where things were “normal” and live it again, but I can choose to let this altered reality become a different, deeper thing. Because of this tragedy, I will not take a day of my life for granted. I will not take a moment I have with my child for granted. I will not take a moment I have to love others for granted. I would not change this perspective or view, even though I would give anything to have Darren back. Why do I tell you each about this alternate universe that I live in? Because I don’t want you to have to face a tragic event before you have this view and perspective. No, you won’t understand completely what this alternate reality feels like, but you can look at things differently. You can take each day as a gift. You can enjoy even the smallest and most normal interactions that you have with your loved ones. I would love to have one more moment to tell Darren how much he means to me. I would love to have another moment to hold him, hug him, kiss him or just talk to him. Don’t take those moments for granted! In a world filled with distractions and busyness, please choose to stop, look around at how truly blessed you are and let those closest to you know how much they mean. Maybe you don’t have a lot of people close to you or maybe life isn’t very happy for you in the world you are living right now. Maybe your marriage is on the brink of divorce, maybe you’ve turned your back on your faith, your friends or your family. Maybe you have lived for yourself and quit caring about others. What if you made a choice to change that today? What if you called up that person that you had a falling out with long ago and told them how much they mean to you? Today, you can choose to make that relationship better. You can choose to cherish your kids, even if they are not doing everything you would like for them to do right now. You have the opportunity to live in an alternative universe that allows you to look at things a bit differently. It may not be that different than the world you currently live in, but it could be a much better reality to live in. It may not happen in one day, one week or one year, but please remember that each day is a gift and some of us would give anything for one more “normal” day with those we love.
1 Comment
Maureen
12/6/2016 10:08:27 pm
I've had to learn to live in my own new reality as well. Eleven years ago, after 37 years of marriage, my now former spouse informed me that he wanted a divorce. It took a while, but I've moved on to God's new reality for me, and am happier and more at peace - which God has given to me - than I've been in quite a while. I've learned to not take for granted the things I hold precious.
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Amy C.A young widow searching and sharing God's goodness. Archives
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