When you get married, you choose the person who you hope brings out the best of you, for me this was Darren. I met Darren when I was only 19, he was 25 and he was smart, sweet and understood me in a way no one ever had. He had this tender-hearted way about him that just drew me to him. I knew I wanted to get to know him better and eventually he became my best friend and then my boyfriend and two a half years later, my husband. He challenged me and he helped me grow into a better person.
The day we stood before God and our family and promised to love each other "until death do us part," Darren shared his personal vows with me. They were eons better than the vows I wrote and they were incredibly emotional and heartfelt. I had no doubt of his love for me or that he would cherish me in the years ahead. Fast forward a few years, we were young parents, facing new challenges and our marriage hit a large pothole. We chose to fight and to fix what was broken, we reaffirmed our love and commitment to each other and we held onto "until death do us part." We hit a few smaller potholes, along the way, and we had to go back to that initial commitment and reminder of why we loved each other, but we stayed on that road, that route and even with those crazy potholes, we grew stronger and closer. We cherished our time together and our friendship and love for each other deepened. When I faced years of health issues, Darren was not only my nurse, but my cheerleader, my encourager and he reaffirmed his love for me each and every day of a VERY hard battle. I was not always easy to live with or love, but he still did. He never gave up on me, he always stood by whatever crazy idea I came up with and supported it (though I'm sure he was thinking I was CRAZY). I also started to see his confidence grow, he was being reaffirmed by me and by God that he had a greater purpose on this earth. This started to change him into an even more amazing person. He was quite literally the best dad to Kaitlyn. He loved to spend special moments with her and he looked for opportunities for them and our family to experience life together. He simply was the best father, husband and friend. No, not a perfect person, but an amazing, godly man who made my life worth living and who I consider to be my better half. Now, as Kaitlyn and I face an uncertain future without Darren, I'm left struggling with how to move forward without the best part of me. When you have someone who is your best friend, cheerleader, encourager, nurse, sounding board and an exceptional, loving father to your child, how do you do anything without that best part? How do you face the day alone? How do you make those hard decisions without them? How do I move forward without the best of me? This has been one of the hardest parts of this lonely journey. I am now forced to accept that I will not have Darren back. I will not have a regular conversation with him this side of heaven, but I am learning that I do still have the best parts of him. How is that even possible? Darren left me the best of him. I still can hear him telling me to go to the doctor when I'm sick. I still hear him gently reminding me to show Kaitlyn grace and love when all I want to do is yell at her. I hear him saying that he is proud of me, that he knew I could do more than I ever believed possible. After you spend almost 18 years with someone, those best parts live on in you. They have influenced you in so many ways and still continue to influence you in every decision and step you take. I also have the privilege of having the best of Darren in Kaitlyn. She is so much like Darren. Her sense of humor. Her love for life. Her compassion for those around her. The type of friend she is. She is truly the best of Darren. With God guiding me, Kaitlyn by my side and all the pieces Darren left me in my heart, I know that I still have the best part of me and I will face this journey everyday and make him proud.
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Amy C.A young widow searching and sharing God's goodness. Archives
June 2018
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