Some of our family on the day Darren baptized Kaitlyn. Monday night, I went to my grief support group. I have been blessed to start building relationships with some very amazing women in my group. As strange as it sounds, I look forward to this group each week and the conversations and connections that we have because of our shared grief. Monday night’s group, was particularly hard for me because we discussed regrets. I’ve never been one to focus on regrets, but grief brings forward a great deal of regret. We wrote down things we wish we could have done differently, what we wish we could talk to our lost loved one about and what we would do if we could still spend time with our loved one. I honestly, do not enjoy crying in front of people and am often perceived by even close friends and family as strong. This is definitely not true, but I fully admit it’s hard for me cry in front of people besides my closest friends and family. Monday night, I cried and I mentally relived the night that Darren died. As I wrote down my regrets, they flowed freely onto the page. I came to the question about what I wished I could do with Darren, if I had more time left. I was surprised to see that it wasn’t go on one last trip or do something extravagant. Instead it was spend time hanging out, cuddling, being together as a family and just enjoying the little things. A kiss, a hug, a shared TV show, while snuggling on the couch. A quick trip to the grocery store. A quick conversation about how our days are going. His input on what I’m doing with and for Kaitlyn. All of these seem so little and ordinary, but yet they are the things that I crave the most. I often spend my days alone with Kaitlyn and very little interaction with anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed by that girl and all she means to me, but it is lonely. Darren was my lifeline. Through the years of having a young child, being a stay-at-home mom, cleaning people’s houses, PTO, and all the other odd jobs I did to help support my family, I never really built a lot of long-term relationships, I didn’t have to, I had Darren. He was my person, my best friend, the one who did all those little things with me and for me. When something broke or I was broken, he helped me get fixed. I miss each of those things and I regret ever taking them and him for granted. In our Facebook society, we don’t post a thank you note to our husband for picking up dinner, taking out the trash, hanging out with the kids just so we could have a much needed break. Those are the little things. We focus on the big, broadcast worthy things. We give the snapshot of a life filled with fun trips and perfect family photos. Yes, I believe those are still meaningful and important, but at the end of the day, what fills most of our moments together? Those little things. The things we take for granted and forget to say even a simple, “thank you” for. I would love to see us acknowledge those little things more often. I would love to see more Facebook posts and handwritten thank you notes written, praising our friends and family for the little things that they do. I’m praying that you don’t take those little things for granted and lose sight of how important they are to your relationships. We also need to be better about helping those that may not have people to help them with those little things. Your single friends, your divorced, single parent friends, the widow, the orphan, the elderly neighbor who never has a visitor. What little things could you be doing to make their day better? What things do we take for granted that we could do for others? I’m going to close by acknowledging some of the amazing people that have stood in the gap for me since Darren has died. No, they do not take his place and yes, I miss him and all of those little moments and things with every ounce of my being, but these people are just a few of the people that God has placed in my life that have helped me survive thus far in this crazy journey and done millions of “little things”. My parents, they have done too many “little things” to list, but mostly they let me cry, share and stand in the gap to help with Kaitlyn and love me unconditionally even in my most crazy moments. My brother, sister, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, nieces and nephews. They are the best family a girl could ask for. Not only have they grieved with me, they have held me when I cried, helped me fix things, find things and never been scared away by my grief. My best friends (you know who you all are :-)) . When Darren died they were all there, checking on me and they haven’t left my side. From the late night texts when I’m not able to sleep, to the conversations about heaven, to carrying on Darren’s memory, to helping with Kaitlyn, I couldn’t ask for better friends. There are so many more that have stepped in and provided lots of “little things” in Darren’s absence, but I would have to write a book to acknowledge them all. If you have texted, shown up with a meal, prayed for us, called us, supported us emotionally or financially, encouraged me or Kaitlyn when we were having a bad day, asked about how we were doing or simply cared, you have made a difference, so “thank you.” It means the world to us to have so many people who love and care for us in our darkest hours!
3 Comments
Rebekah Hartung
11/16/2016 06:56:08 pm
This was beautifully expressed and a sobering reminder that I don't want to take the people in my life for granted. Thank you for this!
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Cathy Pennington
11/16/2016 09:49:01 pm
So proud of you and what an encouragement you are to me and all of us who care about you. You encourage me to be a better person in so many ways and you make me thankful that I can still thank those I love for all the little things they do for and with me. Never stop writing your feelings you have no idea how they may help someone. God had given you a gift through your grief.
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sue ritchie
11/18/2016 09:02:26 am
Been praying for you and Kaitlyn daily and will continue to do so. I am so sorry that your time with Darren was so short. I grieve with you both.
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Amy C.A young widow searching and sharing God's goodness. Archives
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