Easter, 2016 As April 3rd dawns, I'm faced with a new reality in this journey: it has almost been a year since Darren passed away. Every month, I think how has another month passed without him by my side? This one seems even more telling and trying. I will be rounding that corner of a year, knowing I have faced all those "firsts" one time through. Kaitlyn and I have almost lived an entire year without Darren by our side. You would think it would be easier. You would think the things that you have already faced without him would become normal and ordinary, but they don't. I've been talking to a lot of my friends who lost spouses more than a year ago and many of them say the second year is even harder, different, but harder. I’m not sure how I will face these “seconds” and sometimes that thought alone is so overwhelming. I’m trying to live each day as it comes, so instead of focusing on how hard this second year may be, I’m going to try to once again look at things from a different perspective. I’ve been thinking a lot about how this time last year, Darren was facing the last month of his life. To many, this may seem morbid or negative, but I want to give it a positive spin for a moment and help you think about how you and I can choose to live life while we are here in this world. You see, Darren did not know that April of 2016 would be the last month of his life. He hadn’t been sick, he hadn’t been diagnosed with heart issues. He was a seemingly healthy 42 year old facing the regular, mundane tasks and life that we face each morning when we roll out of bed. He worked hard at his job, he supported Kaitlyn and I by being an amazing father and husband. He was a son, a son-in-law, an uncle, a cousin, and a friend. However, he had no indication that April would be his last month on this earth, living his life. Kaitlyn and I have discussed what we would have done if we had known that we only had such a short-time left with Darren. We both have agreed that there would have been so much sadness associated with that knowledge and therefore we would not want to have that awareness. Yes, there are things we may have done a bit differently, but we are choosing to live with no regrets. Please, don’t let me lose you here. I want to bring it back to how Darren lived his last month. No, he wasn’t perfect, no he didn’t know he would die soon, but yes, he did live his last month deliberately. You see Darren chose to live his life focused on giving to others around him. On the very last day of his life, he skipped a lunch trip to the gym to head back to the office and help one of the brokers on a big deal. He always chose to focus on what he could do for the people around him. Yes, he had his selfish moments. Yes, he made mistakes, but I can truly say he was one of the most generous and selfless people. He gave when no one knew. He helped anyone, no matter whether they would do something for him. That last month of his life, he served, he helped and he loved. I’m not trying to make Darren sound like a saint, but I want you to see the point I’m trying to make here, would he have changed the last month of his life? I can’t answer that question for him, but I would say, probably not. He spent the majority of his time focusing on others that last month. He took Kaitlyn to shows, movies and experienced life with her. He chaperoned prom with me and took me on a date afterwards that I will always remember as being one of our best dates with the best conversation and laughter. He went with my dad to a Christian concert and spent quality time with him. He enjoyed Easter and family time with our entire family. He played games with our best friends. He worked hard at work. He served at church and he loved people with God’s love. Would he change anything in that last month? I don’t know, but I do know that I am blessed with a great deal of precious memories in that last month of his life. This brings me to my life and to the point I want to drive home for each of us that are still here and living our lives on this earth. As we were in church this morning, our pastor spoke about being witnesses to our entire world and loving our neighbors, our city and our world. I thought about that last month of Darren’s life and the blessing it was to know that he lived that witness in everything he did. Am I living my witness in everything I do? Are you? If you knew that this was the last month that you had on this earth, what, if anything, would you do differently? I’m not necessarily referring to those crazy things that you have always put off (maybe you do need to do a few of those, though!) Instead, I’m asking for you to look at the bigger purpose you have in your life. You may struggle to be able to identify that purpose because it doesn’t seem big or important, but you are important. You are important to those around you, from your kiddos to your spouse, to your family, to you work colleagues, to the entire world. Don’t lose sight of that, in the mundane, everyday life we lead. You do make a difference and you do have a purpose. What would you change if you knew that this was your last month to live? What would you want to remembered for? Are there things you have been putting off that you need to do now? Do you need to increase the witness that you have on the world around you? Do you need to love more and worry less? Please, take my lead as I work to live my life, knowing that we aren’t promised tomorrow. I want to worry less about what the future hold while loving everyone, loving God and living each day and month as if it could be my last. I will close with a scripture that I memorized as a young child and that I often have to remind myself of. Please take it to heart and may we live our lives in this way. Matthew 6:34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
2 Comments
Pat Ryan
4/3/2017 02:45:13 pm
Thanks for the thoughtful reminder.
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Melodi
4/3/2017 04:01:13 pm
Love, love, love this!
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