The crazy trio having fun during Thanksgiving, 2015. As I enter Thanksgiving week, I'm finding myself struggling to be thankful through my current circumstances. I can easily find myself feeling sad, lonely, angry, depressed, frustrated and fearful, but thankful is not one of my normal reactions through my grieving days. I'm dreading this holiday season. The shared times as a family, the togetherness, the pictures, Christmas cards and family moments. Most of those include a regular family, not my 2 person family whose days are filled with much more sadness than joy. Truly what do I have to be thankful for and can we just fast forward until January? As I was struggling through these feelings, Kaitlyn and I sat down to do our devotions. That day's devotion was about being thankful in ALL circumstances, even in our suffering. As I continued to read the devotions and subsequent scriptures, I started to cry and was extremely convicted by the fact that I must be thankful in and through my present circumstances. Kaitlyn and I ended our devotions by discussing Darren and what we miss about him and what we are thankful for, even now. It was a great exercise to really contemplate how even in these terrible circumstances, we do have things to be thankful for. I remember much of my thankful attitude before Darren died was about material things and was normally followed by "it could be so much worse, so I guess I'm thankful." Well, now that I've lost Darren and suffered a tragedy far greater than any of those worse case scenario things I ever feared, I don't want to do that again. I also don't want my thanksgiving to be based on things I have, how much money I have in the bank, what job I have, car I drive or anything so temporary. My thanksgiving now is focused first and foremost on my relationship with a God who has carried me through the valley of the shadow of death. My thanksgiving is for relationships and the people God has surrounded me with. A closer relationship with my sweet daughter than ever before. Family and friends who have been by my side and who haven't left me alone in my suffering. A husband who left a legacy. A long-living, life breathing legacy. A legacy that pushes me everyday to love like he loved and live like he lived. A hope for heaven and the best reunion with Darren that is beyond my wildest dreams. So, instead of focusing on my present circumstances and suffering and living there, I will focus on those things I truly have to be thankful for. What if we shared those true and real things around the Thanksgiving table on Thursday? Instead of the obligatory, "I'm thankful for this good meal, car, house etc." Those things are ALL temporary. Darren took none of those with him. I still have all his stuff here with me on this earth. You know what we do carry with us eternally? Our legacy! Our relationships! The people we love and who love us! Don't forget what is important in this world and don't forget to be thankful in the midst of all circumstances. Happy Thanksgiving, friends and family, I'm SO very grateful for you! Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20
1 Comment
Rosa McCroskey
11/22/2016 08:45:46 am
Truly, Amy, it's still so hard to understand why God has chosen this path for you, but it is encouraging to the rest of us to see how He is using your tragedy to bless the lives of others. The truths He is teaching you, and the courage He is giving you, you are an inspiration.
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Amy C.A young widow searching and sharing God's goodness. Archives
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